For such a time as this

Oh, I hate this feeling.  There is a reason I drink non-alcoholic beer.  I like beer.  But I hate the buzzed feeling I get after more than half a glass of good quality ale.  So I drink the lesser quality O’Douls.  They have a non-alcoholic amber ale that tastes better than swill, but still not so good as a fine artisan amber ale.  And living in Oregon, there is an abundance of good artisan beer.

But we’re talking VODKA here.  Before I lost Tim, he had been working on a batch of biodiesel.  He’d processed it, but hadn’t distilled out the methanol  yet.  So it’s been sitting in the distiller for a month.  And it’s leaking, drip by drip, into a bucket.  Biodiesel, glycerine, and methanol.  Did I mention methanol is a neurotoxin?  It’s bad.  Attacks the liver and nervous system. And what do you think the remedy is?  Alcohol.  High proof alcohol.  Oh, joy.

I was trying to pump the contents of the bucket back into the distiller tank and spilled quite a lot on my hand and on the floor.  How the heck did he get this stuff in the tank?  Hmmm.  So I came in and poured half a tumbler of vodka along with half a glass of Safeway sparkling pink lemonade.  Have you had straight vodka?  Eew!  All of this on an hours old bowl of Life cereal.

I hope I’m spelling well, because my brain is definitely slow right now and manual dexterity under the circumstances is not my forte.

So here I am, trying to work, do bookkeeping, answer the phone (I’m really exagerating my enunciation, just in case – I hope no one asks me a tough question), and stay in my chair.  I keep trying to shake my head to literally shake off this feeling, but when my head stops shaking, my body….

So it’s lunch time and, while I may not be technically drunk, I am most definitely experiencing THE BUZZ and I really hate it.  I had hoped to get so much done today.  It has been a very difficult and heart-wrenching couple of days for me and alcohol limits my ability to keep my emotions in check, not to mention what it does to my ability to think.

So to my daughters, Lauren and Charlotte, who were teasing me about having a fully stocked bar the next time they visited, not likely.  I’ll stick with beer-flavored Kool-aid whenever I can.  Love you!