Quiet Reflection
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March 18, 2009, 9:32 pm
Filed under: Beauty from Ashes
Filed under: Beauty from Ashes
What breaks my heart most in all this – beyond losing my husband and best friend, beyond my children effectively losing their father – is my grandsons. They’ll never know their Poppa.
Ages three, two, and one, they won’t remember him as they grow. They’ll not learn all the valuable lessons he has to teach them, have adventures in the forest, hear tales about logging, go fishing with him. The volume of wisdom and the depth of love that has been denied is, perhaps, the greatest loss of all.
And it was all so unnecessary, so selfish.
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JoDana, you are one amazing woman! I cannot get you and your family out of my mind. But, I’m sending prayers in your direction. As one who doesn’t have a very active line to God, I am moved beyond words by your faith. I, too, have seen the Tim that you loved. You know my situation. My son is continuing to reveal the healthy side of himself to his daughters, ages 4 and 6, thru phone calls and letters. He’s writing a book with his oldest girl, sending her chapters that she illustrates. Your grandsons CAN know Tim when he is ready to share the healthy parts of himself. Lets trust and pray that they will evidence themselves soon. Love to you and Sabrina…and to Tim as well.
Comment by Lois Hartwig March 19, 2009 @ 2:37 amI’ve struggled with some anger over this one in recent weeks. Jack losing Nathan was the worst part of all of it– I can hurt, I can protect myself, but looking at this tiny little baby who has lost so much and doesn’t even know what he’s lost and I’m absolutely helpless to do anything to ease his future suffering? Men in Jack’s life have just diminished so astonishingly fast…first Nate, then his great-grandfather earlier this year, and now Tim in a different way than actual death. And he’s only 2… I keep on crying for mercy on him, for crying out loud, mercy on the men in my/our family. Grant that they may live and live well. And us women the strength to withstand it all. Here’s another one where I can’t find a proper answer, except that I should lean not on my own understanding, and that He has a purpose and a plan for the little ones. The simplest verses have to be the most profound sometimes… Perhaps all of us Taylor women should gather together and learn how to do us some manly logging so that we can teach them ourselves? I can find some fake chesthair to glue on and learn to work the chainsaw…maybe Sabrina can learn how to sew up various flesh wounds with fishing line, you can take the climbing the tall trees part. I don’t do tall heights, so i’m of no help on that one. :)
Comment by Lauren March 22, 2009 @ 6:38 pmLois, I do indeed know your story. Thank you so much for the perspective that all is indeed not lost. I see God working in Tim and my husband is being restored to God, although not to me. Bless you.
Dearest Lauren, thank you for your comment and your heart. I was looking just yesterday at trees I needed to remove, both for firewood and to create room to plant an orchard, plus there are several trees that I would like to limb up about 20-30 feet. I haven’t tried on the climbing spurs yet, but I think that may be coming soon. We Taylor women have indeed been refined by fire to be a strong lot. None of us would have chosen any of it, but apparently God loves us and believes in us enough to give us these important burdens. I love you, dear daughter. Thank you.
Comment by JoDana March 23, 2009 @ 10:35 amjodana, i still read your blog as well as lauren’s. i am so, so sorry for this turn of events. i am guessing that the shock is still fresh and it will take a long time to process it all. my heart hurts for you in such a different way than i’ve ever experienced. and i have no words for you regarding your precious grandsons. a grandmother myself, i KNOW that of which you speak. yes, you taylor women are strong as evidenced by what i read on your blogs (and how precious is lauren’s humor and the love she expresses through it for you and your family). your grandsons will grow up knowing the strength, perseverance and spiritual strength of the women in his life gained only through surviving tough times. and they will be blessed and will acknowledge it. i promise :)
Comment by jan margrave March 25, 2009 @ 5:24 pm