Filed under: Nathanael Isaac
Today I am surrounded by the people that I love most in this world. My husband is sitting in a rocking chair alternating between playing guitar and playing with grandsons. My kids – Charlotte, Jeremiah, Tim, and Sabrina, along with daughters-in-law Lauren and Mandi – are playing a loud and confusing game of Cranium. And sleepy grandsons Jack (1), Levi (2), and Isaac (3 months) are cuddling and giggling – the most beautiful sound there is.
This is the first time all of us have been together since we said goodbye to Nathan. Little Jack was just 3 months old. Now he’s a year old and walking and charming the food off of everyone’s plate. Who can resist that irresistable smile.
Isaac is now the age that Jack was the last time I saw him. I remember clearly the conversation I had with Jack, telling him about all the wonderful things that his daddy, Nathan, would teach him. Fishing, throwing and catching a football, having adventures, and of course the really important things. Two days later, his daddy was gone. Earlier today I had time alone with Isaac. I told Isaac all the things I’d like to promise him – I’d promise that his mommy and daddy would be by his side. I’d promise that he’d always be safe. I’d promise him the world if I could. But I can’t promise that which isn’t mine to give.
Instead, I promised that I will always love him – as will everyone else gathered in this house. That, for as long as God allows, I’ll pray for him, believe in him, and be there for him. But I can’t promise how long.
That’s what makes these days so precious. We know as a family how much of a treasure this is. We are not guaranteed another moment together, so for all of us to come so far for the sole purpose of simply being together is a testament to how much we love each other…how much we need each other.
Personally, I’m struggling. My heart is tender. There are moments of bittersweetness – missing Nathan. Being all together reminds me that we are no longer all together. One of our vital members is not here. And yet there is laughter, joy, quiet moments, precious times.
I find that I am being an observer on this trip more than a participant. I close my eyes and listen to the voices. The conversations – the deep ones about important spiritual truths and the silly ones about horror movies and how dorks play charades. I listen to their music. I listen to the children laughing.
I am so grateful for each precious person. Grateful for the time, the relationships. Grateful that we have a place – far from my home, but still home – to gather, and the desire and means to do so.
I am surrounded by love.
Filed under: Woman2Woman
What does that mean, sick as dogs? I’ve never known dogs to be terribly sick, other than wetter than usual noses. But we, the Taylor Threesome, have been sick as dogs – whatever that means. Started with child and, true to course, it has slayed Ma and Pa. Pa particularly.
So here we have the ‘workingest family ever known’ and some of the most beautiful October days on record, and we’re too wiped to do much of anything. Lay on the couch, compete for who can go through a box of tissues the fastest, and cough until we can’t move. Yuk.
But the days have been so inviting anyway that we have spent some time outdoors. We raked leaves. The quintessential (that’s one of Sabrina’s vocabulary words! Yeah, Mom) Fall activity. I’m happy raking, even if I have to stop to catch my breath every few minutes. And, of course, we have a riding lawn mower, so Tim did get to chase chickens while he clipped the grass. And then, we all collapsed in an exhausted heap and enjoyed the lovely sunset. See, not all bad.
It irks us to not be fully functional. Weakness, illness, cognitive impairment, all those things that keep us down really bug us. I was talking with my good friend Stacy the other day. She’s gone through a long struggle with overload and is finally (in light of the spiritual 2×4 that God is wielding) stepping back, saying no, taking care of herself. Good girl. That’s so hard for us to do, particularly as wives and moms. There is a never-ending list of responsibilities and people to care for and we always end up at the bottom of our own list!
But did you know that’s not scriptural? True, we are supposed to die to ourselves everyday, but that doesn’t mean we’re to try to kill ourselves by wearing ourselves out!
In the second chapter of Philippians, Paul writes, “do not merely look out for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.” ‘Merely’ means that it’s not the only thing, but it is one of the things. We are to look after our own interests, and also the interests of others. There’s a balance.
And of course, Provers 31! The ultimate woman’s guide – most everything in my life seems to come back to those 21 verses. What does this scriptural wonderwoman do? Besides caring for her husband, her household, her children, the poor, being a real estate mogul, vintner, and merchant, she cares for herself. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. (v. 17)
And, she’s not sullen, resentful, feeling overworked and overwhelmed:
… and works with her hands in delight (v. 13b)
She senses that her gain is good (v. 18a)
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future (v. 25)
What a great attitude. It’s hard to feel sullen when you are delighting and smiling, don’t you think?
As I was telling Stacy, if we don’t pay attention to our own needs, or to that whispering in our spirit to slow down and rest and be still from time to time, God’ll thump us with a 2×4 across the back of the head and make us rest. And, funny, it usually means getting sick so that we have no choice.
Now I’m not saying I’m sick because I wasn’t listening to God. But I am taking advantage of the opportunity presented. You see, sometimes a mom needs an excuse to let other people take care of things. We have a hard time letting go. And we have an even harder time letting people care for us. If only I could give myself permission when I’m not sick.
Hmm. I think there’s an area for personal growth.
