For such a time as this

I awoke at 5 am to the light of a full moon streaming through my window.  I laid there for a while enjoying the quiet of the morning, but the silver light was simply too enticing.  I got up, dressed warmly against the predawn chill and headed outside.

It had rained in the night, but the clouds had parted just for this.  The sky was still quite dark, with the remarkable exception of that brilliant moon and thousands of stars.  The morning star was bright and clear sitting just out of reach of the tree tops.

I wandered through the woods into the amphitheater, stood quietly with my eyes closed, and just listened.  I could hear the haunting hoo hoo hoo of an owl in the trees, its low call echoing through the canyon.  The crashing of waves on the shore thundered in the distance.  But the most remarkable sound came from the trees themselves.  Billions of rain drops collected over night were dropping from leaf to leaf.  As I focused on that sound, I realized what it reminded me of. 

Applause.

It sounded like thousands of people clapping their hands in adulation, but it was coming from the trees!  Nature itself was praising it’s Creator for all He has done.

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth;
Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious.
Say to God, “How awesome are Your works!…
All the earth will worship You,
and will sing praises to You.
They will sing praises to Your name.”
                             Psalm 66:1-4

The heavens declare His righteousness,
and all the peoples have seen His glory.
                             Psalm 97:6

I stood and marveled for a long time just listening to praise.  My intent was to walk and enjoy the morning, it ended up being this amazing time of worship. 

I continued down the path as the sky began to lighten in anticipation of sunrise.  At last the shadow from the growing light cancelled out the silver light and shadows from the moon.  And still the praise went on.

What a beautiful morning.  What a wonderful memory to carry with me.

Wow!  When Fall decides to show up it does so in spectacular fashion!  Overnight we went from the lagging days of Summer to Autumn with a capital A – Crisp air, drenching down pours, brilliant sun bursts, leaves falling and fluttering like rain.  What a beautiful day.

We worked like mad to get our outdoor work finished before the rain came.  I finished work at 7 yesterday evening – by 7:30 it had started to rain.  How’s that for timing?  I had to laugh early this morning.  I awoke at 12:30 AM and was up pretty much all night.  The power went out about 2 AM.  Our first rain in a while and it was enough to knock out the power.  What a wimpy system we have out here.  Our power goes out frequently all winter.  How funny.

All this to say that there is significant satisfaction in knowing that we accomplished all we set out to and so much more.  This has been the year of the project and everywhere I look here I see major changes and improvements.  That’s a good feeling.  Now I can move on to indoor projects.  My friend Stacy and I have declared 2008 to be the Year of the Quilt.  I’m looking forward to that.

I’ve had several things on my mind as I’ve been laboring.  One is in regard to a comment I’ve heard frequently of late.  I keep hearing from women that they admire me, or that I have inspired them somehow.  While I am deeply grateful for the complement and I in no way take that regard lightly, I must admit that it makes me uncomfortable.  It’s not a feigned embarrassment – That’s a lovely dress.  Oh, this old rag – kind of thing. 

It’s that I know myself.

Comments about how great my faith is or what a powerful prayer warrior I am – I know my faith is very, very small.  It’s a tiny grain, but I trust God.  I know He loves me, I’ve seen proof of it in His pursuit of me when I was rebellious and in His care for me when I’m broken.  And I love Him and want to please.  But sometimes I question that He is!  Often I am moved to pray, and I have absolutely nothing to say.  I know that I am less than faithful, so when people comment on my faith, I cringe because I know the truth.

Comments about me being a role-model as a wife and mother – Oh, please.  I know the resistence I’ve felt toward my husband’s leadership – and so does he.  I know how tired I am and I don’t feel like loving my family the way I think I should, so it shows in my attitude sometimes.  Or when my daughter wants my attention – cuddle time with mom – and I just want to be alone with no one making demands on my non-existent energy.  My daughter has told me I’m her hero.  What a wonderful praise, what any Proverbs 31 woman desires to hear.  But I know I often fall short of deserving that praise.

Then there are the comments about our lifestyle – simple, back to basics, organic, self-sufficient.  Apparently I have inspired people to grow their own food, make their own…whatever, eat healthy and wholesome.  Do you know what I like?  Packaged cookie dough straight from the tube – uncooked.  Disgusting Pringles potatoe-ish chips.  Really fattening ice cream.  Marshmallows!  That’s what I’d eat – of course, I’d be huge.   And ill.   I do love our lifestyle – Homesteading.  Making soap and bread and quilts and every meal from scratch.  I love it.  But it’s a lot of work and, frankly, I’m lazy.

There was a time 15 or 20 years ago when the praise of people was my primary fuel.  It’s what motivated me and carried me over hurdles, made me work harder.  Now, I don’t know.  It’s nice to be acknowledged and to know that I’m making a difference, but praise is so low on the list.  There are only two people that I’m trying to please these days.  God – I want to hear when I get home, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” - and my husband. 

The greatest praise I ever heard was from Timothy.  We were at a Valentine’s weekend couples retreat – he had purchased it at a charity fundraiser as a surprise to me.  He introduced me to the other attendees by saying I was funny (oh, the pressure to be funny after that!) and that I was truly a Proverbs 31 woman.  That my husband would believe that about me, even knowing me as he does, is the greatest praise.

I look at Proverbs 31:10-31 as my job description.  It’s what I’m striving for.  It even addresses this whole praise issue…

Her children rise up and bless her
And her husband also, and he praises her, saying
“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”    (vv 28-29 NASB)

So I guess it’s not such a bad thing after all.

I didn’t have any friends.  Sounds pathetic, but it was actually true.

This was several years ago.  During college and after, my friends were a hippy-athiest-new age-zen-lapsed LDS conglomeration.  When I became a Christian in the latter half of my 20s, anything that I had in common with them went screaming out the door!  God was very gracious in putting key people in my life during that time to help me move in the right direction, but that deep bond that I so desparately desired was elusive for several years.

Of course, I did meet my best friend of all time, and I quickly married him. But my heart craved sisters – godly women to come along side me to encourage, challenge, inspire, grow up and grow old with.  I didn’t grow up with sisters, however I recognized a spiritual and emotional need in my own life.

As hard as it seems for people to believe, I am actually an inherently shy person.  I’m not particularly comfortable meeting new people, and I’m quite guarded much of the time.  Going out and meeting a new best friend is not easy for me, nor is it for anyone I suspect.  I knew I couldn’t meet that need, or find that woman, on my own, so I prayed.

I prayed and prayed and prayed.  For three years I prayed!  Then God began to answer!

I met Leah at the book table at Costco and we talked for an hour.  Danette sat in the cubicle next to me and was intrigued that the only noise I made all day was to chuckle each afternoon after 3 pm (that’s when my co-workers started to get really goofy).  Cheryl and I used to walk and talk early each morning – even through an earthquake.  People say Shawn and I look like sisters.  We always answer that we are - we have the same Father!  Jodene and I used to get each other’s mail and were often mistaken for one another.  And Stacy’s daughter thinks we’re too different to be friends.  Stacy says we can be ourselves together.  What a great complement.

All of these introductions seemed random, yet when I reflect I see God’s hand in each one.  These are the women in my life who inspire me, pray for me, go into spiritual battle with me, lift me when I fall, rejoice with me when I am victorious, laugh with me and at me.  I hurt when they hurt, I pray over them, sing praises of gratitude for them, and hope to the depths of my heart that they are a part of my life for the rest of my life.

Each is a Godly woman seeking a deeper relationship with her Savior, depending on Him in their individual struggles.  Each moves me to be better every day.

I know and care for many, many people, but the title of “Friend” is limited to a precious few.  It is not the quantity, but the quality of these important relationships that matters.

A [woman] of too many friends comes to ruin;
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a [sister].
             Proverbs 18:24 [we are talking about women here!]

God opened the floodgates of Heaven when He answered my prayer.  How gracious is that?

Yesterday was an odd day!  One of those days where what we planned and what transpired were in dire opposition.  Certainly not in a negative way, but an interesting one. 

For those attuned to them, these are days full lessons.  Often times we, in our busy lives, rush from one ToDo to another and miss the simple yet profound lessons all around us.  Here are some lessons I learned yesterday.

We’re in the midst of winter preparations here at Covenant Creek.  That means firewood and lots of it.  We’ve built a new wood shed and have been filling it for a few weeks, neatly stacking cords and cords of drying alder and fir.  Once again, to my daughter’s frustration, the stack fell over!  I could look down the stack and see that it was leaning, but she couldn’t.  To her it looked perfectly straight.  I unplugged her earbuds and held them up as a plumb line.  Finally she was able to see that what she thought was straight was actually doomed to fail and fall.  The stack was leaning just inches from top to bottom, but that was enough. 

Lesson #1:  If we are not standing true, we will crash to the ground!  Without an objective standard, we will fail to see when we are off course.  And it takes so little to get off course, we are genuinely surprised when we fail/fall and must pick up the pieces and rebuild.  However, with that standard, we can stay true and stand firm.

Application:  Without the absolute standard of the Word of God, it is frighteningly easy to destroy our own lives.  We are simply blinded to the missteps that take us just a little off course.  As we continue, we get further and further away from God’s will and purpose for our lives, until the weight of our sin and rebellion reach a tipping point and it all crashes down.  And yet, by the grace of God, He allows us the opportunity to rebuild.

Our excitement of the day came when one of the horses busted through the fence and got out onto the busy road.  This is a particularly obnoxious horse, the alpha male who thinks he’s the one in charge.  Let’s just say he learned otherwise.  A passing driver, who of course happened to be an old ranch hand, got our attention and helped drive him back to an area where we could corner him, bridle him up, and get him under control.  And of course the other horses wanted to find out what all the excitement was about!

Our road functions as the by-pass for our community.  Locals and those in the know use it as a short cut, by-passing the traffic and congestion of driving through town.  And, although it is a very windy road, people drive like it’s their personal race track!  The horse was in definite peril as cars and trucks sped by, not seeing him until the last moment.  It was important to get him back to safety right away.

Once bridled, I gave him a very short lead and led him quickly to the pasture, securing him to a tree.  I could tell from his “expression” that he was very distressed at being denied his precious freedom.

Lesson #2:  We long to be free!  We long to break through the fences in our lives that keep us from that better thing just beyond.  But there is danger there that we don’t understand until we’re in it.  And when we’re reined in and returned to that place of safety we view it as punishment instead of salvation.

Application:  God give us commands to keep us safe.  The commandments of God are the fence around our lives.  He says, within this fence, you are safe, you are under my care and protection, you have absolute freedom within this space.  Yet, we see it as restriction, deprivation.  But what does God command?  Love Me, with all your heart, mind, strength.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  Do not steal, do not covet, do not commit adultery.  Is there freedom in theft?  In envy?  In immorality?  According to the world there is – those big trucks roaring around blind corners.  Yet to children of God, there is great danger there.  And when we break “free” and He lovingly, yet firmly, reins us in, our response is of being punished.  In reality, we have been saved!  Better to acknowledge His love and care for us in giving us fences in the first place.

I enjoy my chickens.  They are so fun and so funny.  I keep them in the pen until mid-afternoon – otherwise they lay eggs everywhere and I can’t find them.  Once they are done “working”, I let them out to free range and they love it.  I have very happy chickens.

Often they disappear in the late afternoon.  I know where they go.  They sneak into the brambles behind the barn and enjoy the safety and covering down by the creek.  Yesterday I ventured into their secret place.  Wow, have they got it made in the shade!  It’s a quiet, shady, peaceful place where they can rest without threat of predators and eat bugs to their little chicken-heart’s content.

Lesson #3:  We all need a place of quiet rest and peace.  The world is a perilous place, full of danger and predators (prowling about like a lion looking for whom he may destroy).  It’s important to have a place to retreat to where it’s possible to rest and gather strength.

Application:  Whether it is physical or spiritual, we each need a place of quiet rest, a place where we can retreat from the struggles and trials of our daily lives, a place where we can lay our burdens down.  The predator in our lives, as children of the Most High, is a spiritual one and there is no place from which to escape him but the arms of Jesus Christ himself.  Our place of rest, peace, restoration must be in Him, in His Word, and in His presence.  Daily.

As Jesus made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem, the Pharisees told Him to make the people stop praising Him.  “But Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, if these become silent, the stones will cry out!’ “ (Luke 19:40 NASB).   Nature exists to praise Him, to make manifest His grace, mercy, power, authority, love. 

We’ve but to pay attention.